Scream Queen B

The bloody details of a horror writer, director & actor.


December 6, 2016


 "In the slaughterhouse of love, they kill only the best, none of the weak or deformed. Don't run away from this dying. Whoever's not killed for love is dead meat."  - RUMI

We're in the dark times again. The light around us has dimmed, become artificial. We need to huddle close, reach out for each other and foster our light within. Otherwise the dark waters can surface and pull us under.

We must turn away from our suffering mind. It claims it knows the way. It does not. It leads us to dry paths and to dull scenery.

Life without heart is hallow, mundane. It's thirsty. Without heart, life is still and safe. Neither up nor down, it flatlines. Can you hear the ringing of your own decay? Is the safety worth this noise?

Love is like water. It is essential. But we've forgotten the feeling of it on our skin, we have forgotten that we are made of this stuff. We need the recognition of what is within to be found without. We need the joy of being fully submerged, returned. We need suspension. We need peace.

Say yes to your nourishment. Fall deeply in love. Listen to the one who calls out for you. Follow this fool to the ends of the Earth. Not the one without, the one within.

Photo by Laura Makabresku.

November 24, 2016

Honour the Realm of the Unknown

Falling or flying. It's hard to tell sometimes, isn't it? We claim to want to feel alive, but shrink at the vulnerability it requires of us.

There is a price to be paid for your freedom. People don't often speak of this. The old must be grieved. Even when letting go of something that no longer serves us, we must grieve.

In these times, we search for certainty. We doubt our steps forward and the woods ahead of us seem too dark. We want to turn around and be embraced by the familiar. That is a mistake.

This is not the time to be left alone in our heads without adult supervision.

When ruled by the head, we can feel a self righteous strength. We can lay down the sword and cut through the chaos, but it only produces more. When ruled by the head, the heart is not invited to the table. Knee-jerk reactions can feel so powerful, but it is simply an attempt to control. It is all an illusion.

Being lead by spirit is an entirely different experience. It's not philosophical. It's something felt within the body. You feel a shift from tension, worry and pain, towards the calm. The deep knowing.

When you have this feeling, it's like waking up from a lucid dream. It's remembering that in some realm that feels more real than this one, we can fly. We can fly, we've only forgotten.

The last few weeks have been a difficult mirror to look through. How many times have I uttered, I have no idea what's going on here. I want to know my destiny. I want to understand, to make sense, to make decisions and charge forward and the universe continues to whisper, bitch chill.

So many souls around me are feeling the pressure. We're having our buttons pushed. We're being nudged off the diving board before we're ready. Pain is surfacing. Lose ends are being tied. The new is calling us. And yes, it is scary. It can be a time of feeling great overwhelm.

So lay the fuck down for a minute and be still. Be like the fainting goats. Take your time.

You will remember who you are.

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I want to say thank you to my Tribe, to all the souls who share so vulnerably with me and remind me that we are in this together, never alone. xoxo

Photo by Kelly Lawrence.

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